After a week of not talking, eating soft foods, not talking, using hot and cold packs on the face, and not talking, my jaw doesn’t hurt any more. Yippee! Of course, my ear started to ache again. I have a bona fide ear infection. Boo! But being able to eat crunchy foods again is worth it.
cheerfulIt’s easiest not to talk while at work. My co-workers support me, and chide me when I slip and say something. They warn visitors that I cannot speak. For the past week I have communicated with them through gestures, facial expressions, a notepad, and computers. My handwriting has become illegible even to me. I am ashamed that I didn’t think of using my computer’s text editors during face-to-face “conversations” until Wednesday. Walking around the school was hard until I started wearing a badge with the note “Per doctor’s orders, I am not allowed to talk for a week. Please be patient.” Thank goodness I hadn’t thrown out my ALA badge and lanyard!
Shopping is harder. Check-out workers expect some amount of small talk. I have given in and said “Thank you” a few times. The most frustrating retail experience I had this week, though, was at a massage studio. I requested an appointment via email explaining how I was not allowed to talk, etc. When I arrived at the studio for my appointment, the receptionist had not been warned. She asked for my name, I handed her my ALA badge. She gave me an odd look, so I turned the badge around with the note. She still didn’t get it. So I got out a notepad and wrote “I have an appointment at 6pm.” Oh, the light finally dawned on her marble head. Luckily the massage was worth the hassle of the check-in.
Surprisingly, the hardest place not to talk is when I am at home. I’ll accidentally yell “Allez! Allez!” at the Tour de France riders on the tv. I want to sing while I do the dishes. Worst of all, I can’t speak with my cats. They are confused by me humming. They start purring, I want to start cooing.
If the gottverdamte TMJ-induced earache disappears, I’ll be able to speak again on Tuesday. If not, another doctor’s visit. Yuck.
Top 5 Benefits of Being Voluntarily Mute
1. I don’t have to answer my phone. I can let it ring and ring. I’ve always hated talking on the phone.
2. Soy-enhanced fruit juices are tasty. This week’s liquid diet is probably more healthy than my regular diet.
3. No guilt eating ice cream every day. Wait, what was that about a better diet?
4. My verbal anomia has disappeared.
5. My jaw does hurt less.
